I sat at my desk with my eyes glued to the computer screen as my fingers typed away feverishly. I scanned up and down the screen and then again up and down the screen two more times. I was in total disbelief. I tried blinking my eyes a few times - you know when you squeeze them tightly and then slowly open them - to make sure this isn’t just a REALLY bad dream.
As I opened my eyes and the screen came back into view there It was, plain as day, in black and white...
This was the furthest thought from my mind (although a few of my friends might have warned me) when I had put my faith and trust back into a situation. I felt myself gasp a bit and quickly remembered to take a deep breath in and let my exhale out with a “HA” sound to slow my world down as I sat back in disbelief. Was I really shocked or was it the reality of learning that my big heart, good nature and willingness to trust in someone (more than they did ) had been taken advantage of?
I have always lived my life with the mindset that everyone is good until something is done to prove otherwise. Even when people make big mistakes, I believe they have the ability to change. When you set an intention to become the best version of yourself and work at it consciously EVERY day, you have the power to change. For some, when they talk about the kind of person they want to be but never take action to WALK THE WALK, it is only a pipe dream. The talk is easy, I have done it myself many times saying I want to do or be something and just not followed through on it because either my goal or intention wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t truly ready to make the change or I just didn’t have the tools and resources to get me there. Which category do you fall in?
What happens when you are on the receiving end of someone else’s imbalances and struggles? When you become subject to someone else not walking their walk?
I ask myself a few questions:
Is it really about ME?
Am I really being attacked or did the action trigger something in me that is making me feel uncomfortable?
What do I need to do for myself to feel better?
What hurts the most is that, personally, I wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt someone.
I know I am not alone in what I am feeling and all too often, we encounter people that aren’t walking their truth and they end up pulling us down with them. As I learned this week, pain, anger and hurt can be a recipe for creativity 😉. Oh let me count the things I considered taking action on...
THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY SATISFACTION
There are much safer arenas to put your creative energies into - like work, family, etc. and revenge will 9 out of 10 times come back to bite you right in the ASS. Karma tells us this!
Karma - the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.
We ALL fall down once in a while and it is during those down times where we find some of our greatest lessons.
“I’ve learned that
People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did but
People will never forget how you made them feel”
Was what happened truly about me? No, not at all but, it did have a disheartening impact on me.
It definitely triggered something inside of me. Those that know me know I am not a numbers girl at all. I LOVE words. They are so powerful because I believe they can be used to heal and to boost someone as well as encourage, motivate, love and honor to name a few. They can also do a lot of damage whilst being honest is a good thing, being respectful with your words can help to make honesty effective. Blowing someone out of the water because you decided to be honest based on your own internal anger can potentially be incredibly harmful and damaging.
Beyond words are actions
The physical integration of words is to show that what you say is what you mean. When your actions are not congruent to your words, there is a misalignment in the world and this is, all too often, when people get hurt.
We have become a lazy society, relying on so many external influences to make decisions for us instead of focusing on being our true self. We believe too much what OTHERS feel we should do instead of believing in ourselves. Hmmmm…
“People believe what I say. I am considered an expert in my field, yet I don’t always believe what I tell myself.”
How many times do you hear yourself telling your kids “Be yourself. Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing”. Hundreds of times I told my kids this during their formative years. I knew they would always stand up for themselves when one day my youngest came to me wearing red pants and an orange shirt and I said to him, “I am not sure your shirt and pants match today - are you okay going to school like that?”
He turned to me and said “Mommy, why do I have to match?”. I laughed and realized that he had not only heard my words but absorbed them and was walking his walk and being true to himself - he was all of about 5 years old!
Knowing that I am walking my walk and setting intentions every day for being the best version of ME including how I want to treat others is the best way I help myself get past moments of pain. The best part of it is, the more I practice, the easier it gets and maybe one day, I will be able to chuckle when something like this happens because I will have total faith in my path and know that I am truly the person that I have set out to be!
STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF
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Waking Photo by Tegan Mierle on Unsplash
Eye Photo by Daniil Kuželev on Unsplash
Love Hands Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash