• Bonnie Strati

When the Pendulum Swings

Updated: Aug 31, 2020

When I was a kid, I used to go out in my front yard (sometimes after dinner) and just letting my arms fly as I spun myself around and around in a circle until I was completely out of control and often fell on the ground laughing. It was such a liberating time in my life. One where I completely trusted the Universe would have my back and land me safely on the ground…well, sometimes I crashed pretty hard but I always got up with a hardy laugh.

Now a days, letting go of that control is so much harder. I feel guarded with many things I do and often wonder “what would it take to get that freedom and trust back like when I was ten years old?”

How do we begin to let go and trust that ALL will be okay no matter what happens in our lives? We hang on to good and bad and fear moving forward into the unknown. Why? What do we need to do in order to give ourselves the freedom to move forward in our lives? It is all about trust. Trusting that where we are, right now, is exactly where we are supposed to be. This sounds like such a cliche but we can’t move from the first grade to the second grade without actually being in first grade so…are we conscious of where we are and where we are heading? Sometimes YES but most often, NO.

‘Go BIG or Go HOME’

When I am ready to make a change, I dive in whole heartedly giving it ALL I HAVE! Not in an obsessive or dramatic way but in one with sheer determination to be better at being ME. Maybe you choose to gradually work it into your lifestyle - that’s awesome.

I was recently talking with a guy I was seeing about what I call the Pendulum Swing - it’s when you are working so hard to change a behavior or a habit that, like the way a pendulum can swing completely to the right (I say right because I am left handed ;-) hahah), you end up at the complete opposite place you started and now you find yourself scared to death or as he put it just feeling weird because the change is so dramatic and your system hasn’t adjusted yet. How do you emotionally handle the shifts that arise when you are making changes within yourself that take you out of your comfort zone?

Embrace it -- Hang on tight -- Enjoy the Ride!

Trust that IT WILL PASS…

Photo by Gabby Orcutt on Unsplash

Casting Crowns song "Just Be Held"

There’s freedom in surrender so lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away

You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held

You’re worlds not falling apart, it’s falling into place

I recently experienced this pendulum swing and was conscious of being in a place of true discomfort during this time. I found myself saying “who the hell is this person inside me?” because it certainly felt like I had been possessed by the devil disguised as a Biotch! I heard myself saying things I never thought would come out of my mouth and I struggled with feeling completely out of sorts. As I mentioned, I was conscious that this person was at the farthest end of the spectrum to who my true being is but I somehow knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be and started to trust that I seriously couldn’t be here for too long (or I surely hoped and prayed) that the universe would let the butterfly wiggle it’s way from the cocoon and fly freely.

As time passed and I was able to reflect on this period of time in my life I began to understand what I was doing was purging. My system was letting go of all the feelings and behaviors I had been hanging onto for years that were no longer serving me. It was when I trusted the process that the healing began and I found myself on a new path to discovering my life’s purpose.

When we were born, we didn’t come with a user’s manual on how to grow and develop. Each of us is writing our own manuals and within this manual are tons of erase marks, cross-outs and wrinkled pages. Developing self is about trial and error - taking notes - discovering what works and what doesn’t work. Most of all it is about going inward to LISTEN…to listen to what is going on deep inside us and trust that our belly (gut / first instinct) knows best. This is really hard for some of us to do because our heads like to jump in…to be honest, one day I had three conversations going on in my. head…my left shoulder was arguing with my right shoulder and then my head in the middle was mediating to get them to come to a common ground and the rest of me was seriously saying “what the hell is going on here”….”seriously guys, can you get your SHIT together PLEASE”.

What does going inward look like? It looks like…a big pause…that moment in time where you are just floating and nothing is happening yet you your mind begins to feel clear. You can discover this pause or whatever you choose to call it through many different kinds of practices, mindfulness meditation, moving meditation, yoga, whatever works for you it is anything that allows you the opportunity to create space from the situation at hand. The practice that gives you the opportunity to process what is happening to you and put it into perspective. For me, I need to sort it out neat and orderly…systematic so to say…I have been known to be a little too black and white per-say - but if you were to put your situation at hand on paper, what would it look like? This is how I am able to simplify things in my mind. I am then able to consider my choices based on the intellect instead of emotion. You may process it in a different way but what ever way works for you, understand it and make whatever you want to change happen. Staying stuck serves no one.

I often ask myself “bottom line, what is going on in my head?” This gives me the opportunity to take space and determine what is really happening within me and more easily put it in writing (black and white). Discover where YOU are and how it is YOU are able to find the clarity YOU need to discover your authentic self.

Note to self: This is your journey, your body, your mind, and your spirit. Dig deep, own it and start doing things for you and by you."

- via deeplifequotes

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Built Stronger from the Inside Out

Child Swinging Photo by Gabby Orcutt on Unsplash

Butterfly Photo by Krzysztof Niewolny on Unsplash

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