Bridging the Silence: How to Support Someone After a Difficult Diagnosis

Bonnie Strati
Aug 11
3 min read

“You don’t have to have the perfect words — you just have to show up.”

When someone we know receives a difficult diagnosis — cancer, a serious illness, or another life-changing health challenge — it’s like the air shifts for everyone involved.

There’s the initial shock, that lump in the throat, the Oh no… what do I say?

For some, the instinct is to run toward the person with open arms, ready to help. For others, there’s hesitation — not because they don’t care, but because they care so much that they freeze. They worry about intruding. They wonder if their words will make things worse. They tell themselves, I’ll reach out when the time is right.

And sometimes, that “right time” never comes.

Why People Pull Back

It’s more common than we think. People often stay quiet for reasons like:

Fear of saying the wrong thing. “What if I upset them? What if I remind them of something painful?”
Feeling powerless. The thought creeps in: If I can’t fix it, maybe I shouldn’t get involved.
Assuming others are closer or more capable of helping. “Their family will handle it. I’d just be in the way.”
Avoiding personal discomfort. Facing someone else’s illness can stir up fears about our own health or mortality.

None of this makes someone a bad friend or family member — it just means the situation is bigger than their current emotional toolkit.

The Person on the Other Side

For the one with the diagnosis, the silence can feel deafening. They may think:

Do they not care?
Did I do something wrong?
Are they afraid to see me like this?

After my diagnosis, a close friend stayed silent for months.

Later, I learned they were afraid of saying the wrong thing — but in that silence, I couldn’t help wondering if I’d lost them entirely.

Sometimes, the person already feels like their life has been split into a “before” and “after.” The last thing they want is for relationships to follow the same path.

It’s Not About the Perfect Words

The truth is, there’s no perfect script. What people going through a difficult diagnosis often need is not perfection, but presence.

A short text: Thinking of you today.
A card in the mail with a silly sticker.
A voice memo saying: I don’t know what to say, but I care.

These may feel small, but when your days are filled with hospital visits, treatments, and uncertainty, these gestures are lifelines. They tether you to the world outside your illness.

Practical Ways to Reach Out

If you’ve been hesitating, here’s how to start:

Lead with honesty. “I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I’m here for you.”
Offer something specific. “I can bring dinner on Thursday” lands better than “Let me know if you need anything.”
Stay consistent. Check in regularly, even if it’s just a short hello.
Bring lightness when possible. Share a funny memory, send a pet photo, or pass along a silly video. Laughter is medicine.
Respect their energy. If they don’t respond right away, don’t take it personally.

If You’re the One With the Diagnosis

Here’s the part no one tells you — sometimes, you’ll have to guide people in. Not because you should have to, but because they truly don’t know how.

You might:

Tell them what kind of support you appreciate.
Use a group text or a caring bridge site to share updates.
Let people know when you’re open to visits — and when you’re not.

You can give them a way to show up without putting the burden entirely on yourself.

Connection Is the Medicine

Illness can be isolating — even for the most surrounded, supported person. The world keeps spinning, but yours has shifted. That’s why human connection becomes even more important.

If you’re reading this and someone you know is facing a difficult diagnosis, consider this your invitation. Don’t wait for the “right time” or “right words.” Those rarely exist.

Just reach out. Say something. Send something. Show up in a way that feels genuine to you. You won’t have all the answers — but you’ll have done the most important thing: reminded them they’re not alone.

Because at the end of the day, the gift isn’t in the perfect sentence or the grand gesture — it’s in your presence, your voice, and your willingness to stand beside them in a season when the rest of the world feels far away.

If this message resonates, share it with someone who might need the reminder — or someone who’s been there for you. And if you’re ready to feel supported through life’s challenges, let’s talk. You can start by exploring my book Built Stronger or working with me one-on-one through Be Soulful Coaching - email me at bonnie@bonniestrati.com. Because no one should have to walk their path alone.