Even the Strong Need a Shoulder: The Hidden Truth About Strength and Support
- Bonnie Strati
- Aug 14
- 4 min read
People often tell me, “You’re so strong. You’ve got this.”
I know it’s meant as encouragement — a way of saying, “I believe in you.” And I truly do appreciate it. But those words also carry an invisible weight. They often come with an assumption: that strong people don’t need help. That we’re fine handling life’s storms with one hand tied behind our backs, still smiling and handing out umbrellas to everyone else.
Here’s the truth: strength doesn’t mean we never feel the ache. It doesn’t mean we never doubt, never break, never need to lean on someone else. Even the strongest among us have moments when the world feels heavy and our shoulders could use a rest.
The Myth of the Strong One
Somehow, our culture has woven this idea that “strong” means self-sufficient — that if you can weather heartbreak, illness, loss, or a major life change with grace, you must not need any support.
We see it in how people respond:
They stop checking in because they assume we’ve “got it handled.”
They don’t offer help because they think we wouldn’t accept it.
They save their emotional energy for others who look like they’re struggling more openly.
It’s not malicious — it’s just human nature. But being the strong one can be lonely. It’s a bit like being the designated driver for life: everyone trusts you to steer the car, but sometimes you wish someone else would take the wheel so you could watch the scenery for a while.
And here’s the kicker — when you’ve been the “go-to” person for so long, people can actually forget you’re human. They forget that you, too, have days where you sit in your car in the driveway just to take a breath before walking inside.
Strength Isn’t the Absence of Need
I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that true strength isn’t about never asking for help — it’s about knowing when you need it and having the courage to receive it.
When life gets heavy — whether it’s a health diagnosis, the loss of someone we love, a messy breakup, or simply a season of “I can’t even” — having someone show up doesn’t make us weaker. It makes the load lighter.
I remember one afternoon when I was running on fumes after a week of treatments. A friend showed up unannounced with soup, a blanket, and a quiet presence. I didn’t have to talk, explain, or smile. She just sat with me. That moment taught me that sometimes the greatest gift is letting someone witness our tired without trying to fix it.
The problem is, many strong people are so practiced at helping others that we forget how to be helped. We’ve built an identity around resilience, so admitting we need support feels… unnatural. Vulnerable. Maybe even scary. But support isn’t a burden — it’s a bridge. It connects us back to community, to love, to the reminder that we don’t have to walk every mile alone.
If You’re the Strong One
If you’re reading this and thinking, Yep, that’s me, here’s your permission slip:
Ask for help, even if it’s small. Let someone pick up groceries or drive you to an appointment.
Share how you’re really feeling. Not the “I’m fine” version, but the truth.
Allow someone else to be the rock for a while. You’ve done it for others — now it’s your turn to receive.
Your strength isn’t diminished when you lean on others. If anything, it’s amplified because you’re modeling what real resilience looks like: connection, trust, and reciprocity.
If You Love a Strong Person
Don’t wait for them to ask. Check in, even when they seem “fine.” Especially when they seem fine. Offer specific help instead of the open-ended “Let me know if you need anything.” Sometimes the quietest “I’m okay” is actually a whisper for love.
The Bottom Line
Strength and support are not opposites — they are partners. We weren’t meant to carry the full weight of life alone. And sometimes the bravest thing a strong person can do is let someone else carry part of the load.
So whether you’re the one holding others up or the one usually standing tall, remember: there’s no prize for doing it all alone. Let people in. Let them love you through it.
Because even the strongest need a shoulder — and sometimes, that shoulder comes in the form of a good friend, a loving partner, or even a coach who can walk beside you through the heavy and the light.
💛 Ready to lighten your load?
If this message spoke to you, share it with someone who might need the reminder. And if you’re ready to explore how to rebuild your strength with support, my book Built Stronger is a great place to start — or we can work together one-on-one through my Be Soulful Coaching programs.
Because healing doesn’t have to be a solo act — and your next chapter can start today.
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